Loving God, Loving People

Original Post Date 3/17/2008

I live in the South. Southern middle Tennessee to be exact. Morals are steeped in tradition and standards run even more deeply. I attend a church who’s slogan is "Loving God, Loving People." I truly believe the congregants WANT to do this. But deep down, do I believe they do? Not all of them. It was my turn to do the registration for the children’s program and then door guard at the end of church this Sunday. A mom going through a divorce with five children and one on the way came to church. I welcomed her, registered her kids, and then she went on to church. I went in late to the auditorium. I slipped in the back, looked up and realized she was sitting all alone. At the end of church no one spoke to her. She picked up her children, I took up their tags, told her we were glad to have her here, and she just smiled weakly as the kids grabbed at her and she moved off down the hall. Should I have done more? Absolutely! Should others say the same? I feel so. Incidently, she was white, her children were black. Did this have anything to do with it? Maybe.

Here in this area at many churches as I’ve been visiting around I’ve noticed they’re really glad to have you in their number count but when you want to get involved as a divorced single parent, they’re not so eager. Can a divorced single parent not contribute as much as a married mother of two? Or do they not want the stigma of a "single parent" working with any of their programs?

I should not publish this without also saying very carefully that there are people at my church that I love dearly and have accepted me and my situation without prejudice or disdain. Many know my family and assume I was "raised right" and nothing was "my fault" in my divorce. While I refuse to place blame in this blog the fact remains that no one truly knows what went on behind the closed doors of any marriage or relationship that produced a child(ren).

Can single parents (divorced or not) no longer be valuable contributors to today’s society and/or church? I am a full time student. I work full time to support myself and my lil one. I am raising a child. I am an active member of my chosen church and make sure my lil one is as well. I have a boyfriend whom I love very much and has brought more truth, love, desire, and blessings into my life than I ever thought was possible. I feel so blessed to have found this person. He, too, is a divorced single parent. Like many fathers, he does not have full custody of his children. Does this mean he loves them any less? Absolutely not. His children are his light and love. Anyone who has seen him with them can atest to this. Does this mean he is a bad father? No. I have custody of our daughter, does that mean her father is a bad father? Absolutely not. He is an excellent father. He just happens to be active duty Army stationed in South Korea.

There are many older people in churches in my area today, particularly women, who proclaim to be accepting, and yet behind closed doors, gossip and condemn those very people they should be reaching out to. This saddens me. Just this Sunday my father asked me to hand a baby gift a new young single mother. I’m no dummy. I know my mother prepared the gift. My dad doesn’t do that. He just now started doing his own laundry. He’s a good man. My mother’s a good woman. But there are just some things mom does and some things dad does. I was pretty surprised. In the past I can remember my mother herself and other women at a church I used to attend grousing about giving a babyshower and gifts to an unwed young mother. Has my mother changed her mind? Did she do it because my dad asked? Whatever her motivation, this young single mother, when I handed her the gift, smiled, thanked us, and her face said that she felt loved. Loving God, Loving People.

Is it hard to Love God and Love People all the time? Absolutely. Does it take dedication? YES! What about you? Do you Love God and Love People? Do you just try to Love People? Do both?